if a guy who is always extremely busy still finds time to be with you, keep him. 

i was feeling down all day today because i know that we won't have time to spend together for the whole week because of our jobs. i was pretty upset thinking that the only time we'll see each other will be at work. and work is different. you can't be comfortable. 

i took a nap after work. might as well sleep it off right. then i wake up and he was there. he did scare me but i was really happy. 

i hugged him the most i could because he can't stay long. i didn't wanna let go but i knew i had to. seeing him, being with him just for those few minutes, is the best feeling ever. 

i knew right there that no matter how busy we may be, everything will be alright. we will be alright. 

it's those little things that reassures me that there will always be a way for us to be together. even if it's just a minute.

walls & roads

being happy is not really an easy task. there's so many things involved that could either make it or break it for you. in my situation, there's a million walls i have to break through to actually be happy. there are days that i just want to turn around and give up. not that i didn't try to get through.. it's just that, there are walls that will never be broken down. those walls will always be back up the moment i turn around. those walls i can never escape from. which is why, i feel like running as far away as i can sometimes. i don't know if i'm strong enough to have to deal with this for the rest of my life. i don't know if i want to have to fight for what i want all the time. i don't know if i can be fine being left behind because there's just something else more important than me. 

i know i am not the only one struggling to make this work because definitely, the other person is trying his hardest as well. 

i really want to make this work. but i think i jumped in too soon not fully realizing that this is not going to be a straight path to happiness. there's so many left & right turns. too many that i feel like i should just turn back around now before i get lost deeper & deeper down the road. 

it seems like everything is against this thing to work. time, people, place... they're never right. they barely seem to match. there's always something wrong. 

idk. i thought i could be the strong one.. but this early on, i can already feel how weak i am. i can already picture how it would be if i keep going. and looks like i would be sidelined a lot. 

i want to call shotgun so bad. but i know i have to take the backseat for the most part. and it sucks that i can't ask it out loud. it sucks to be mute when i have so many things to say. it hurts me that we can only see each other through the rear view mirror. just quick glances here and there. 

i already know what will happen if i spoke my mind. which is why i am choosing to be quiet and just take whatever small piece i can get. that's the only thing i could really do right now. if i spoke one word, for sure, everything will crumble down to nothing.

so yeah, as much as i want to, i can't always call shotgun.