i am planning to just bury this sentiment i have been carrying since last year to the grave but i know that keeping my silence will not fix our shattered friendship.i know i have to say something.

here goes...i am so stupid to just let things be not alright between us. you are the closest person ever who i allowed to enter my real life. i like shared everything with you.all my family issues and the issues i have with myself. we have shared a lot of things from bliss to gloom, from ups to downs. we almost grew together doing almost the same things-doing the same mistakes, dealing with the same decisions but just one predicament broke our friendship and i am not proud of what i did. all the petty disagreements we never had was the biggest regret for my part. we never fought before and even though there are some things i did not approve of, i kept quiet because i do not want you to be upset.i know there are some things you too did not like about me and yet, you decided to not talk about it and that is my mistake-our mistake. all the remorse i had with you just piled up into this big cloud of detestation that made me so obnoxious and superficial. maybe that's why when i finally found the chance to let it out, i did released it. it was only too late when i got into my senses and realized i made a very huge mistake that i know for sure i will regret my whole life. kath, all has been said and done, i am deeply sorry for hurting your feelings. hurting you made me feel so bad but what made me feel terrible is knowing that i hurt my bestfriend.the person who i am supposed to be siding with, the one who i am supposed to be fighting for and loving no matter what. i felt terrible for saying those words i said against you knowing that you are not that person i am talking about.out of my hatred, i said words that are overly sensitive and totally wrong.i doubted you which i should have not done since you never doubted me at all.you believed in me through everything i did up until now and i didn't.i failed kath. i fell short and i am so guilty of what i did. all i am praying for right at this moment is that you reconsider and accept my apology. i know trust is a big hindrance for you to forgive me but i still am hoping that somehow, there is a part in your heart that still believes in me.i am really sorry.if there is someone to be blamed, blame me.i know it was my fault.i know what i did.i am sorry.

i am not going to school anymore.i just pass by there from time to time. but i think i am going to stop going there for the meantime.i am going back though next semester. i just want to take some time off from going to those places me and my block mates usually hang out and also, there is this certain setback i have with that dreading UB Terminal.i now hate that place-seriously.not because of the weird people coming and going there but the reminiscences i have with that place. me, jean, and of course, bhes kath usually meet there. but now that we're not in such good terms, that place is like a graveyard-the silence, the pain, the wishful mourns and all other not so pleasant stuffs. i just can't deal with pain right now.

kath,

happy monthsary!
i can't greet you yet by text so i might as well post it here.maybe someday, you will read this.and i hope you'll have a smile on your face.even a slight lift of your lips would count.
i hope you and gian are going strong.i have trust in you two. i know you both love each other enough to withstand all the criticisms your relationship had faced.that includes me.i will not deny that i doubted you for one second and i do not want to open that up anymore.all i can say is that i stand corrected.i was wrong.i admit it.we all know you two are great counterparts.i just can't seem to put it in my head. but now, there is nothing bad i can say about you and gian. you both have been a great friend and all i can do in return is respect your relationship. i am just glad that you still are together.

happy!!!