i....fat!

..i am pretty down right now.i am going straight to the point.i am getting fatter by the minute.i do not deny it because everytime i see myself in the mirror, i see a fat girl and it does not look really good.i know that other people may say that i am just vain and overly self-conscious but i can't stop myself from thinking and feeling that i am getting big.i really don't want to be big.nobody does.last summer, i was confident in wearing m,y racer backs and sleeveless clothes but now, i always cover myself up.i do not feel confident anymore.all the people i know tells me that 'hey, you're getting fat!,' instead of saying 'hi, how are you.'i just laugh it off in front of them but deep down, i feel so terrible because i know that it is my fault that i am becoming like this. i can't help eating and sleeping most especially that i did not take summer classes so i was like stucked at home doing nothing but sleep and eat.now, i am paying the price.
weeks ago, i started doing crunches thrice a week and i kept on measuring my waistline.though i know it is really bad to live by the measurements, i still feel it in me that i have to know if my weight changed or not.i really have to lose some weight.
it is not just a matter of the numbers...for me, it is the confidence that i lost that matters.i want to be able to face other people without me being awkward all the time.i want to wear clothes i like to wear without any constrictions.i like to be greeted by people with hello.i like to stand and walk with my chin up.i want to be pleased with myself once again....